Mega Man 3 PC

Where to begin... Ugh.

You know a lot of people ask the question as to why there is no Mega Man 2 for Dos. I think the better question is WHY IS THERE A MEGA MAN 3 for DOS? This game shouldn't exist. It is beyond terrible. It's amazing that it is somehow worse than the original hack job PC game. Capcom, what the fuck were you thinking, shelling out the license not once, but twice to Hi-Tech Expressions? Did they buy you off with hookers and blow? Jesus Christ, this game should not have ever been made.

The box art is obviously made to trick people into thinking they are getting a straight port of the NES version. Don't be fooled though, you'll know this is a bad game when the Hi-Tech Expressions heart shows up. This game is such a blatant rip off of Capcom's hard work that it is just insulting that it was endorsed by Capcom. Seriously, there is zero originality put forth here by the bleeding heart.

Take a look at the boss select.

Each boss is just a tweaked version of another boss from various Mega Man games. Bit Man is Hard Man, Shark Man is Crash Man, Wave Man is Air Man, Oil Man is Flash Man, Blade Man is Metal Man and Torch Man is Magnet Man. Could they not afford artists to work on this game? Well obviously not since it still looks like a pile of shit! Ug, but lets fire this turd up and see if maybe the gameplay has improved.

So here's a screenshot of Bit Man's stage. For once it's not a sewer, thank Christ. The game still controls like ass, everything takes too long to kill, oh, and now we have a new problem. This game is more exploration based than any Mega Man game ever. What does that mean? It means you can get lost. Really lost. I'm talking you spend most of your time wondering where the hell you are going, and running into a dead end and having to turn around. Jesus, this game somehow got WORSE by implementing exploration. There isn't a reason to have this. How the hell can you design a 2d game where it's possible to get lost?

Another thing with that screenshot, I've got Mega Man positioned next to a pit. Can you tell? Of course not, the background and foreground blend in together so stupidly, you can't tell what you can stand on and what you can't... Ugh, fuck Bit Man, whats next?Oh my god Mega Man is swimming! Yes, new to this game is the swimming stages. This is Shark Man's stage, and like all the others, it blows. Swimming controls worse than walking. Mega Man slides back and forth and is constantly floating up, making all the precision spike dodging they ask you to do later in the level so fucking stupidly hard, it's faster to just plow right through them.

This stage is so littered with shit, can you see what's attacking me here?

The swimming controls are so terrible, and they make up half of the levels of this game. I move on to Wave Man after failing so terribly at Shark Man and his stage is basically a sunken ship maze thing. Amazingly I actually made it to Wave Man and experienced one of the weakest boss fights I've ever had. I guess this is balanced by him giving me the weakest fucking weapon I've ever had as well. Wave Shooter spits out 3 pellets which do nothing to the enemy.

So I move on to Oil Man... swimming level, fuck that. Then Blade Man... another damn swimming level, fuck that. On to Torch Man, ah here we go, a fire element based enemy he should have an interesting...
Oh for fuck's sake!
These wall turrets are the worst. You can't shoot them, and they never stop firing, and they are always placed in just the right spots to fuck up the already dodgy platforming. I HATE THESE FUCKING THINGS!

Now that I've gotten all the bad stuff out of the way about this game, lets talk about the positives. That would be that the sound can be turned off. That's the best feature of this game... That is the lone good feature of this game.Fuck this game. Fuck Hi-Tech Expressions for making it, fuck Capcom for letting them and fuck Inafune for not stopping them. Jesus. Hopefully this taught them a valuable lesson about licensing their good games to bad compan... ha ha ha, yeah right, we're just getting started here folks. Well at least Hi-Tech closed their doors two years after this. Fuck them.

Sorry the review wasn't very detailed but you weren't going to play this garbage anyway. Here, I found a more in depth review for you.

Sydlexia.com's review of Mega Man 3 PC, playing the game all the way through so I never have to again.